Couple Communication
Do Men and Women
Speak the Same Language?

In a word: No.

Couple communication has been a source of marital disharmony since Adam first met Eve.

Men and women communicate very differently. You can even say they speak different languages! This is one of the reasons why there are so many misunderstandings between the sexes.

But first, you must understand how men and women communicate. Only then, can you implement this knowledge to achieve marital harmony.

Women are expert communicators – when communicating with other women.

Women seem to enjoy conversation for its own sake. It’s an end to itself. Women talk to their girlfriends. They talk to their moms. Women chat about their day, their experiences, their feelings, and anything else they perceive as relevant.

It’s how women bond and build their relationships.

Women naturally have what is called Emotional Intelligence. They are more naturally cognizant of their own emotions and perceptive to the emotions of those around them. They can better comprehend emotional language and can better appreciate the complex relationships among them.

Women are more in tune to subtle changes in emotion, such as tone, stance and inflection, and will adjust their responses accordingly.

Guys aren’t. When it comes to couples communication and Emotional Intelligence, compared to women, the male species is biologically handicapped.

Most men seem to engage in conversation as a means to an end. Conversations and communication must have a purpose. Otherwise, why bother?

Men don’t talk about their feelings as openly as women. We don’t pour out our emotions the same way our wives do. We communicate our message, make sure it was understood, exchange information as necessary, and we’re done.

These differences are among the main causes for the breakdown in couple communication.

Let me give you an example. Show the following picture to a woman and ask her to write down her perceptions. Then show the picture to a man and ask him to do the same:

Men, on the other hand, will write something like:

Hot blond chick in a car.

It’s not that men are idiots. (At least not all of us.) It’s just that men typically don’t get bogged down on trivial stuff. We see the big picture and the important details. The subtleties often go over our head.

If you wish to succeed at couple communication, you must grasp these core differences between the sexes and bridge this “language barrier.”

Men – Learn to open up more to your wife. Talk to her! Devote thirty minutes a day to the two of you talking, without interruption. Share your day and your experiences with her. Ask her to do the same.

This ongoing bonding process is critical to couple communication as well as keeping your relationship strong. Men tend not to appreciate the importance of this. But believe me guys; the benefits will come back to you in many, many, ways (wink, wink).

Ladies – Back off a bit. When your husband walks through the door, don’t hit him right away with questions and demands. This will cause him to retreat.

After working all day (assuming he’s been working), men will often prefer to eat dinner and unwind or spend some time alone checking their email. It’s not that your husband doesn’t care. He just needs some time to himself before he can devote time to you.

If this sounds like your man, give him some time to decompress. Then approach him with some expressive statement about your day followed by an open-ended question. For example, “I’ve had such an aggravating day today. I couldn’t wait to get home and be with you. How was your day?” Successful couple communication is more likely. He’s more apt to open up to you.

We’ve just scratched the surface of couple communication. There’s so much more to learn!

Is your lack of listening skills causing problems in your relationship? Do you know the Ten Communication Rules for a Strong Marriage? Click back to The Importance of Communication and read on.

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