Helpful Tips for Resolving
Financial Marriage Problems

When trying to resolve your financial marriage problems, keep a few things in mind:

You likely won’t agree on everything when discussing finances. But at least agree to keep the conversations respectful, logical (as budgeting should be), and fair.

Hostility, sarcasm, and defensiveness have no place anywhere in your marriage, let alone your money conversations.

Hold regular and mandatory “money meetings.” This will keep you both fully informed of your financial status. During these money conversations, you can discuss budgets, major purchases and investment decisions.

Regular meetings will eliminate procrastination and avoidance issues. It might be helpful to schedule these meetings around payday or when your bills are due. The meetings should have a set agenda and each spouse should know ahead of time what is to be covered. And just like in a corporate board room, be respectful, courteous, and no blaming! You’re there to find solutions to your financial marriage problems, not to battle each other. Keep in mind, board meetings don’t allow distractions like children, TV or phone calls. However, if your kids are old enough to understand, by all means, include them!

If your spouse constantly avoids the subject of money and is not willing to discuss finances, it could be based in their fear of being out of control. They perceive themselves as lacking control over their personal and marital finances. Empowering them with some control both of your financial marriage problems may help to alleviate the problem. Include them more in the decision making process.

• Agree on the “big picture” and long-term goals. You may always have different financial habits. But if you agree on your future goals, at least you will both work together towards achieving them. It does no good for your marriage if one of you is working to achieve a financial goal while the other is working against it.
• Develop a family budget together. When both spouses participate, you can’t help but have a conversation! Discuss fixed expenses, necessary expenses, and where expenses can be cut. Be sure to include in your budget funds for miscellaneous fun. Then review it periodically and adjust it when necessary. This will help eliminate any of further financial marriage problems
• Compromise. If one of you is a “saver” and the other is a “spender” (like my wife and I), neither of you will ever come completely over to the other’s corner. By compromising and budgeting for some splurge money, the “spender” will feel more empowered. Your spouse will ultimately be more cooperative with you (the “saver”) when it comes to the rest of the budget.
• Agree to a division of responsibilities, based on each of your strengths, skills, interests, desires and available time.

  In my marriage, our responsibilities tend to be more traditional. I’m the breadwinner and manage the finances. My wife maintains our home and handles the kids. (Of course there’s overlapping.) I’m more the analytical “numbers” type and she’s more the maternal “Mary Poppins” type. We each chose our roles and this works for us. Decide what works for you.

• Don’t use money as a controlling or dominating force. If you attempt to impose your financial decisions on your spouse, it will ultimately backfire. Besides, this controlling attitude is not what a Million Dollar Marriage is all about.
• No grown up likes being put on an allowance or having to justify every expenditure. Agree on a spending limit that neither of you can exceed without the other’s approval. The amount, of course, must fit your budget.

  This agreement will provide a sense of spending freedom to the “spender” in the household, while mandating a conversation as to whether a “major” purchase is impulsive, needed or even necessary.

• Agree to make cash less available. If one or both of you has difficulty keeping on budget, agree to remove all of your credit, debit and ATM cards from your respective wallets (except one for dire emergencies). Agree on a spending limit (see above) that each of you will have for the week. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. No more spending.

  This will NOT work if it’s used as a power trip or imposed on one by the other. This must be agreed upon and must apply to both of you or it will only add to your financial marriage problems.

• Hold each other accountable. Commit to the budget and to keeping each other on budget.
• Save arguments for important issues. Don’t jump down your husband’s throat because he blew four bucks on an issue of Sports Illustrated. Remember, each of you allowed for budgeted discretionary spending. So when your wife comes with sexy new negligee that she really didn’t need, try not to be too angry, OK?
• Work together to get out of debt. Once married, it makes no difference if it’s your debt, my debt, his debt or her debt. It’s OUR debt. Technically, this may not be legally true (it depends on your local laws), but it certainly is ethically true.

  You’re married and you’re a team - for better or worse, richer or poorer. And that includes your debts. Create a budget together, figure out where expenses can be cut in order to devote more money to paying off your debts. When you work together, there won’t be financial marriage problems, such as one income earner splurging while the other sacrifices.

• When a financial goal is reached, reward each other! If you’re the “saver” in the relationship, then you may not want or need the “splurge.” But this carrot and stick approach tends to work well with “spenders.”

You want to keep on budget and plan for the future. But don’t forget to live a little too! Live within your means, but live none the less.

If you can’t afford the cruise experience, then maybe you can budget for a weekend at a bed and breakfast. Still over budget? Then give the kids away for the weekend, plan a picnic in the park and an evening in the bedroom.

Make the memories now that you will reminisce about when you’re old. Enjoy your time while it’s still plentiful. It won’t always be.

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