Avoiding In-Law Problems

If you’re having in-law problems, you’re not alone.

Practically every couple out there has had in-law issues at one time or another…including my wife and I!

Unless you want your entire marriage to be one long episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, you need to set appropriate boundaries with your in-laws. Openly discuss with both sets of parents these desired boundaries and establish the expectations early on. This will avoid hurt feelings and resentment later.

A close-knit family should be a tremendous source of support, encouragement, and enjoyment. But they can also cause major problems in your relationship.

When dealing with your in-law problems, here are some tips to remember:

• Be Respectful - You may not like them or feel they deserve your respect. But remember, they are still your spouse’s parents. You would expect the same respect for your parents. Wouldn’t you?



• Recognize and Honor their Traditions and Cultural Practices - All families have their own culture and traditions. Some may be familiar and comforting to you while others may seem very foreign. In fact, they may even contradict with yours! Here again, the Golden Rule applies. Respect their traditions if you wish them to respect yours.



• The Loyalty your Spouse has for his Family is Not Necessarily a Bad Thing! - It’s OK for your spouse to show loyalty to his or her family. You would want your spouse to have the same loyalty to you and your future children, wouldn’t you? If your spouse shows loyalty to his family, this loyalty will likely translate to his new nuclear family as well. Don’t be threatened by your spouse’s family loyalty – as long as his or her loyalty to you comes first.

• Do You have any Unresolved Family Issues? - Is it possible you’re carrying unresolved family problems into your relationship with your in-laws?

  If problems with your own parents or family are affecting your relationship with your spouse’s family, a healthy long-term relationship will forever be hindered. Whether you can work through these issues alone or whether therapy is required, the investment will be well worth it.




• Don’t Criticize or make Nasty Comments about your In-Laws - If you have a beef with your in-laws and feel you can’t talk to them about it directly (even though you should), discuss it matter-of-factly with your spouse. Request your spouse’s help and opinion to resolve the issue. Just leave out the comments and sarcasm.



• Be Fair about Family Gatherings - Come up with fair and practical solutions to conflicting family gatherings, holidays and vacations. After all, is it really fair to expect the both of you to fly down to your parent’s home every Christmas, while leaving your in-laws alone for the holidays?



• Agree on an Escape Plan - When you’re with your in-laws and you’ve reached your limit, have a password or some signal prepared with your spouse that says, “I’m done! It’s time to leave.”






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