Money and Marriage
How do you merge the two?

For many couples, money and marriage are like oil and water; they can’t seem to blend the two.

According to a 2006 study done by the Pew Research Center (http://pewresearch.org – opens new window), about 30% of married couples claim to have differing attitudes about money and saving. These differences often are not just simple disagreements. Your attitudes about money may conflict completely!

Unfortunately, most couples fail to resolve their money differences. The result is that finances are consistently cited among the top causes for divorce.

It’s always wise to address problems before they arise. Here are the Five Top Financial Matters You Need to Take Care of BEFORE the Wedding. By addressing these money and marriage matters before the big day, you’ll begin your lives together on much better footing.

If you have any hopes of building a Million Dollar Marriage, when it comes to money and finances, you’d better find common ground with your spouse. Based on the statistic cited above, this obviously could be challenging. Meshing different styles of handling money doesn’t happen overnight. Many long-time married couples still struggle to achieve financial harmony – or at least a truce.

It may be difficult. But it’s not impossible. You can do it.

(Heck, if my wife and I could do it, anyone can!)

How?

It will take sole-searching, plenty of honesty and some serious - and difficult – conversations with your spouse.

Issues of money and marriage are seldom just financially related. There are typically underlying issues or deep-seated beliefs that trigger these disagreements.

Therefore, it’s time for a psychological self-analysis.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to lie on the couch with a box of tissues while you talk about your relationship with your mother. But it is essential that you understand the reasons you feel the way you do about money. Figure out why you act the way you do when it comes to finances.

What is your financial profile? Can you identify your thought and action patterns when it comes to saving, spending, borrowing and investing? What does money mean to you? And why do you feel the way you do?

Be honest! Not just with yourself but with your spouse. If you’re uncertain whether you can give yourself an unbiased assessment, ask for help. Ask someone who knows you well enough and whom you trust to provide an unbiased evaluation.

Just don’t get defensive or be insulted when they tell you! Remember, this entire process is for the benefit of your marriage.

If sole searching doesn’t provide your answers and there’s no third party you trust to be unbiased, then a meeting with a marriage or financial counselor may be the key.

An accurate assessment is critical. It’s crucial that you both identify concretely your views, beliefs, and assumptions regarding money. You need to understand how they affect your financial behavior in order to reconcile your financial practices and move forward.

Money can represent:

• Status.
• Power.
• Success.
• Security.
• Freedom.

It can also signify:

• Dependence.
• Control.
• Loss.
• Deprivation.
• Failure.

These are just a few of the possibilities affecting the way you look and act towards money. Look closer at some of these financial profiles. Do you see yourself in any of them?

Once you each understand your own true motives concerning how you look at money, you can better explain them to your spouse. Heck, you may even re-evaluate your own practices!

Your spouse may never agree with you. That’s OK. Money is a sensitive subject. You are simply looking for understanding and compromise. Don't let money and marriage ruin your relationship. This is easier once you’ve learned how to effectively communicate for empathy rather than starting an argument.

Once you’ve both identified the problem and understand where each of you has come from, it’s easier to discuss where you are going. Set some guidelines for your discussions.

I’d recommend having regular “money meetings.” You can have them once per week, once per month – what ever works for you. But make sure they are scheduled and attendance is mandatory. Every profitable business holds regular meetings to ensure fiscal responsibility. Your household should be no different. Besides, if one spouse tends to manage the books, this might be the only way to keep you both informed and on the same page.

These meetings should be used to create a budget, discuss major purchases, analyze current and projected income and decide on investments. Here are some ideas many couples use to resolve their financial differences.

Discuss, and then agree upon what financial goals you want together. It’s then easier to resolve your financial problems and agree upon a plan of action to reach those goals.

When the two of you can work together and reach agreements on financial matters, your money and marriage will have harmonized. You will be happier and more successful than couples who endlessly clash over money.

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